


Stand Up.

by frogpilot



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Exhaustion, Gen, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, hes tired :(, implied freehoun, like its... there i guess, so yknow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:53:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28125660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frogpilot/pseuds/frogpilot
Summary: Gordon considers his circumstances.trigger warnings for in depth suicidal ideologies
Kudos: 25





	Stand Up.

**Author's Note:**

> one time i played half life and got really into it and into the character of gordon so i wrote out basically an anxiety attack. im neurodivergent
> 
> kinda uplifting if you dont know the context of the games. if you do, im so sorry
> 
> also this shit sucks maaaajor balls but its whatever yknow??? its too short ughhhh but i write things and i post it :)

Gordon clumsily swung his crowbar at an incoming headcrab, just barely hitting it hard enough to kill it. He stood there panting as it gave out one final screech, and stopped moving. He slumped against the wall, groaning. His migraine was only getting worse, and his whole body was aching from constant fighting. He desperately wanted to lay down, take a break, but he needed to stay alert. The lives of his coworkers rested on his shoulders. He started this nightmare, and he was going to end it. After all, he was the only person who could. The military was set on killing everyone involved to cover up the incident. That made him very uneasy, and his head started to swim. The people who were supposed to rescue him and the other scientists....were only here to silence them. Either way, him and his friends were going to die unless he did something about it. 

They were going to die.....

A wave of nausea crashed over Gordon, and he stumbled a bit. This was really happening. Nearly all of his friends were dead, the entire U.S. military was after him, and his beloved workplace, his home, was reduced to his worst nightmare. Even worse, really, was that it was all his fault. Everything he knew and loved was gone in a matter of hours. 

And now he’s all alone, fighting for his life.

Gordon let out a shaky breath and sunk to the floor, holding his head. He pulled on his hair, staring at the ceiling. What was he going to do? Everyone’s lives depended on him, yet he was all out of options. He was so tired. His body hurt. He just wanted it to _end_. He wanted to go back to work tomorrow. He wanted to be back in his dorm with Barney, laughing and talking about bad movies. And most of all....he didn’t want to be alone through all of this. He wanted someone to comfort him. He needed it. He needed someone, and yet he had no one. He couldn’t do this. He wasn’t a hero, he was just a man who barely earned his degree in theoretical physics. How was that going to help him fight the entire military? It’d be easier if he’d just end it all now, right? He wouldn’t feel any guilt for leaving his coworkers behind, and....he had a lot of methods available. He could easily just put a gun to his head, or jump off a catwalk, or even let himself die to an alien or a group of soldiers. Everyone he knew was probably already dead, so...what was the point of even trying to see them again? He’d have a better chance seeing them in the afterlife, if that was even a thing.  
He glanced at his gun. He could do this. He had used a gun on so many other people, other living, breathing things, so it should be just as easy to use it on himself. He gently wrapped his fingers around the grip of the gun, letting his finger slide into trigger guard. He held it up to his face, hands shaking. All he needed to do was pull the trigger, and it would all be over.  
But somehow, that just...didn’t sit right with him.  
What would happen if he did survive? If he made it to the Lambda Complex......maybe the few survivors would make it out. Maybe Barney, Eli, and Kleiner were alive. Eli’s smart, and Kleiner follows him around everywhere. They’re probably hiding from the military by now. Barney could be protecting them, since he already has a weapon. They could use it, considering Eli’s got his family with him. Not to mention Kleiner’s pretty close with Dr. Magnusson, so he could be alive too. If Gordon just made it to the Lambda Complex, he could probably find them after this is all over. Things could go back to normal. Black Mesa could be rebuilt, they could begin research on these alien creatures, and he could go back to having races with Barney. This could work. He didn’t have to give up. He _couldn’t_ give up. Not now. He wasn’t too far from the Lambda Complex. It could only be a few hours before he sees his friends again…..before he sees Barney again.  
He had to keep going. 

Gorodn stood back up.


End file.
